Oh ok so the creative genuis in me has decided that another series might be worth it called

WEIRD SEXUAL THINGS

Today's episode is called

QUEENS WHO WANT TO DOMINATE U

My friend Neil drew this to my attention. He is like 40 and really butch. He used to be married and he's got three kids. Carol says he is ghoulish and yes he is rather rough as guts. One night he picked up this guy who was really camp. He was a dancer in his early 30s. Gay as fuck right. I thought he liked me, but he liked Neil instead. Neil said this was really flattering cause "i'm really hot" (he later qualified this by saying in a "boy next door" kid of way). Anyway he went home with this guy and the next day rang me with the details.

"He got me in the bedroom and started ordering me around" he said.

"He was like, suck this and do this and fuck this. He was like a straight guy"

I said that perhaps a bit more like a straight girl, like a dominatrix would be more suitable. Because the guy was practically like a girl.

The thought of it didn't sit well with me. Neil the butch bastard getting ordered around the bedroom by a queen. And being fucked like a bitch. Ha ha.

I was with someone for six years who liked being fucked like a bitch and was my bitch. But yes, then it happened to me...domintrax queens who like the idea of roughing a up a guy bigger or at least more masculine than what they are. Why is this suprising or even subversive??? I guess its not really. Gay sex shouldn't have to be another heterosexuality (or the heterosexual matrix as some Queer Room types would call it), but even still it is rather curious. It took me ages to work out what made me tick sexually. I wasnt sure if I liked men or women or either for a long time. Then it occured to me, as I said it in church one day

"I LIKE FUCKING GUYS LIKE THEY ARE WOMEN!!!!!!!"

y'know, take that cock...suck my cock....etc.

Which now as a single man has helped me work exactly the kind of guys I like. Young, skinny, queeny guys, who wear pink t-shirts and eyeliner.

Me - man
You - bitch

My friend Bree was asked what love life meant to me as a masculine gay men.

"having a bitch" I said.

"Quite traditional then?" she replied.

I guess so.

So this year Ive slept with and dated with a whole lot of 17-23 year campy hairdresser types. Oh yeah and a tranny. There was some fucking hot ones in there. 3 of them were models and I love it when people tell me my new boyfriend "is really up themselves". Ha ha.

And I also slept with two female strippers. At the same time.

Anyway the problem with that shit (the last comment withstanding) is that these little cunts still have dicks and insist on wanting them stimulated. Selfish. In a word, selfish.

I dated this one guy Matt. He'd just turned 18. He was girly as knickers. Sissy boy they call it in gay porn. He said he'd done modelling work for versace and once worked at a pole dancer at a gay nightclub. When I was out with him straight girls would constantly tell us how hot WE were and then CRACK ONTO HIM. One day a girl came up to us and said to me "I can tell your the man in the relationship". If only she knew.

For the first few days I didn't have sex with him cause I was too drug fucked. One day he was at my house and ordered me to strip naked.

He laid in bed looking at me with his cute little doll pixie face and floppy blonde emo fringe.

"I like watching people get naked" he said in a sexy way.

I tried to sex it up a bit.

"Don't try to make it sexy, just pretend I'm not here" he said.

Ok...so clearly he was establishing dominance in the sexual relationship here. I had to strip naked and do it in a way he liked.

He then called me back to bed, held me down and wanked all over me. He came on my tits. How degrading. Like I was a fucking porn star girl or something.

I didn't cum. I didn't like it. It really didn't do it for me being dominated by a punny little 18 year old boy or anyone for that matter. I wonder what the turn is for him. I know its old-fashioned but you would think if he liked being the boss why he wouldn't himself just get a bitch for himself.

Cause I aint no-one's bitch.

We had maybe 3 more of these little sexual encounters and the same shit happened. He would get on top of me, dominate me, cum all over me and then just get up when he'd finish. Once he left and then came back and said "hurry the fuck up (to cum), I want to go out soon". Oh yeah and then one day we were having a little argument and during it he pulled out his erect cock and slapped me across the face with it. "Don't" I said really coyly. Then we preceded to continue the argument, while mutually masturbating. Perfect, I thought....now I do the old "abuse them till they cum" trick I'm so good at. Anyway, we were kind of laughing during all of this and then I tried putting my hands around his neck. This had worked a fucking treat many times before. With some queens all u have to do is strangle them and tell them they are dirty whoare and they blow straight away. Him????

"Get your fucking hands off my neck" he said.

"You and your weird fucking fetishes".

Oh my god. I' m being judged here. That is so not a turn on.

And I didn't cum. And yes, he did. Again.

And I suspect he had sex the night before with someone else.

The last night I was with, he was being an arrogant little fucker. "Can u get me this? Do that? James (this guy who was coming over that night) takes me to the movies for $1 ra ra ra."

Anyway, he came into the bedroom, shut the door and said "I love you, babe". (babe????)

Then preceded to sit at the end of the bed and try to finger me.

"Fuck off" I said.

"I don't do that shit".

He told me a bit later how he liked to fuck chicks every now and then when he left like. But unlike me he said he wouldn't fuck a drag queen "because its too confusing".

Watever. Grow some balls.

I broke up with him because he invited me over and then also invited over a past-root and told me he would b going to this guys house that night.

"Were just friends now" he said.

James walked in - wearing - get this - eyeliner and little short shorts. He was Matt's bitch. Hilarious. Humiliating for me, but yes hilarious at the same time. I just thought James (had he been better looking) would normally b the kind of guy I fuck. Then suddenly I felt like a Queen in competition with another Queen for a "man". Before tormenting the poor cunts for two hours and breaking up with Matt and leaving without thinking I said "Tell James he is wearing too much fake tan and too much make up".

Oh fuck, Matt youve turned me into a bitchy Queen. Uve cut off my balls and very nearly turned me into a bitch.

So beware of the Queen who wants to dominate u. It can do your fucking head in.

And just because someone is pretty, doesn't mean the sex will feel good.