Ok so there's a lot to say.

Where do I start.

We have a new PM named Kevin, I threw that Matt idiot into a wall on Friday night and nearly committed suicide today with a cap of smack I bought off a toothless asian Junkie on Bourke st.

Oh and yes, to my surprise Brendan Nelson became the new opposition leader instead of Malcolm Turnball. The libs are so fucked and can't seemed to move past the out-dated Howard era.

I'm writing this entry on smack.

I took it to function.

I broke down so many times today. Ok, so picture a guy (with good hair) walking around the city crying. If you saw this, it may have been me. So what do you think? am I a dirty old poof yet???

What's the source of my misery??? What makes people happy???? What makes them unhappy??? If you can answer those questions for me I might be able to tell you.

Perhaps it's got something to do with loving a guy who I know it can't work with. Yes, I am talking about John - he's great but he is very dysfunctional. Perfect personality, for some reason he can't hold down a job. He's nearly 26, I cant see this being solved anytime soon. I feel pissed off and hopeless with him - without I'm just totally fucking lost. I feel unloved, ugly, unattractive, unsure. Etc. I've felt so fucking foul this year that everything else seems insignificant. What's the point in being succesful at your career, having money, having a nice place to live when your fucking ugly. HA! Not that I actually think that I am. It's more like a feeling of people not loving you and that people will NOT love you. People don't seem to love each other because someone has a good career or cause they are smart or whatever. I'm not sure why people do or why they love each other or why I can't seem to find anyone to love me. Or why it matters so much.

Is this heading in the right direction or are my words so seperated from their feelings ATM that they simply don't mean anything.

GOD = insert answer here please sir/madam.